#ItGetsBetter

[Owen from Final Fantasy]

I know there are a lot of LGBTQ fans and some of them are here
So here is my own personal message of hope!

I love www.MakeItBetterProject.com
I wish I'd seen it as a teen
You all should watch it

I cannot contribute myself because:

I have had a history of depressive episodes
These episodes began in my teens
Were unrelated to homophobia
Bullying
Anything
Just chemical stuff and high anxiety levels

In my 20s they did not get better
They got worse
Although my estimation of myself as a LGBTQ person increased
Chemical imbalance continued

I am totally fine now
Ask anybody

No seriously, this isn't meant to be about ME
I'm just saying that when it comes to depression
"It doesn't get better"
Happily, there is an amazing support system out there
(No, not your friends, don't use them as your therapists)
(No, not your family either, although you'd be surprised)
(No not your Twitter feed!)

It is anonymous hotlines
Message boards
Doctors (therapists, MDs)

I actually like anonymous hotlines the best, you never know what you're gonna get

In short:

I too am bummed about Tyler Clementi
But I feel like the victims here are actually the poor dude who pranked him
And his family who bought him a violin and sent him to school

Just because the support system is wide

And people who love you are everywhere

And LGBTQs may historically be more likely to be depressed
And bullied
But depression can be "no thang"
It's just not gonna be fixed by "getting older" and "moving to Toronto"
Depression is something different
It's not LGBTQ specific
And it happens to everybody
And it will happen again

I've spent the last 30 years of my life surrounded by beautiful girls and boys
I've spent the last year meeting many new beautiful people
In the last week
I met a transboy in Pittsburgh with an infectious smile
I met a transgirl in Ohio who has a soft voice and a great blog
I've met happy old bear couples
Happy old dyke couples
Intergenerational relationships
Rappers who gave "respect"
Truckers who said "azm bro"
Female firefighters with enormous biceps
Gorgeous men and women from Columbia, Ecuador, Estonia, India

Yes it gets better
But it's already awesome

[Ren]

Oct 8, 2010 9:41:26 GMT -5 Owen from Final Fantasy said:

Yes it gets better
But it's already awesome

Perfectly said.

[bigbusinessmonkey]

Thank you! (If I write anything more than that I'm afraid I might not be able to stop; figured I'd done enough embarrassing blabbering for at least a couple of months this past week...so yeah, thank you will do this time I think

[emilypoulain]

Owen, I really respect you. In the midst of all of this crazyness and convenient radicalism, I think that you are able to really eloquently address the true complexities of this issue. I respect you so much as a person, and that respect has nothing to do with either of our sexual orientations.

[kiwiball]

Thank you. It makes me really excited to see that a project like this exists.

Until I was about 16 or so I always used to think that the people who caused me stress were in control of my happiness. I don't remember what made me understand that that was not so, but it made a huge difference. I couldn't undo anything, but I was in charge of how I reacted to it. Through sensorimotor psychotherapy and beautiful friends I have done and continue to do things I didn't think were possible.

[Richie]

This gives me a lot of hope, something I wish I'd've read a long time ago...

I cannot begin to thank the people I've met on this board. A good handful of them have effected me more then they could ever realize, everyone of them for the better.

Owen, thanks for being so personable. Thanks for giving us an excuse to introduce ourselves to one another, regardless to whether that was the intent of this message board or not.

[heathenpoet]

I enjoyed reading this post. In my experience depression does get better - or at least more manageable. I've not really been through any of those support networks, though I have been to the doctor a few times (didn't feel that ever helped, tbh). Now at 25 years old I at least feel more familiar with the way my mind works, like an old friend, compared to, say, ten years ago, where I would feel completely ambushed.

Tyler Clementi presumably didn't feel that the support system was wide, or that he was surrounded by people who love him, and society still has a long way to go with being able to openly talk about mental health and depression, and them losing their stigma. And though depression is not LGBTQ specific, if this "crazyness and convenient radicalism" regarding the recent gay suicides results in a temporary media flurry making kids think twice before calling someone a fag (or outing them via webcam) then it is surely a good thing...?

Just my thoughts. I do feel for the 'pranksters' because they have to live with this for the rest of their lives, and they obviously weren't expecting this to happen... but I also think it was above and beyond a 'prank', really...

Oct 8, 2010 11:44:45 GMT -5 Ren said:

Oct 8, 2010 9:41:26 GMT -5 Owen from Final Fantasy said:

Yes it gets better
But it's already awesome

Perfectly said.

Agreed.

[smithy]

I never realised that this horrible event happened until I read this! It's horrible the things that people do to eachother...but thank-you Owen for your inspirational words. I'm only 13 but have been bullied for most of my life. Only the last couple of years I started properly controlling my feelings towards the 'bullies'. I just found a different group of friends and it turns out I (obviously) got on better with them and the 'bullies' left me alone. I am now having a more fulfilling school life and home life. :') Thank-you Owen, once again.

[aglena]

Owen, thank you so much for posting this. Actually, thank you so much for everything you have done. I am 12 years old. You have done so much for my life, and as this thread makes obvious, the lives of many other people as well.

My friends and I have always been bullied. We are the losers, the misfits, the nobodies. And it hurts, it really does, to know that people hate you like that... enough to harass you, to hurt you... But through your music, I have found comfort, and happiness, and love. Thank you so, so much for that.

[altrusion]

I have a confession i need to get out after reading this and seeing what is going on in your country.

The Confession: In school i was a bully! I spend my first 5 years of school getting bullied around myself, mostly because i was socially awkward and a very needy little kid. But when i entered the 5th grade i made a rash decision that changed my life for the worse... I was gonna be "cool"! So i started mocking my fellow 'Mockies', started fights with the immigrant kids that didn't speak the language yet and the worst part was excluding my own friends and take part in a year long mocking of a overweight girl that led her to change schools.

I couldn't imagine anyone feeling that i could justify any of that by saying "sorry" or "i was a stupid kid", but lately iv'e found myself thinking about the people I've hurt. I want to blame it all on the people that were around me that encouraged me to be bad, but when i think it through i was the weaker person that couldn't be a respected person without being a dick at the same time.

This is all 10-15 years down in history by now and i cant do anything to change it.

And without any expectation of sympathy or understanding, here's what it did to me:

THE PUNISHMENT: I tortured myself mentally for years after feeling incomplete and psychotic, a few years ago i collapsed with depression and couldn't do anything myself, after 3 years of tests and pill popping the health system declared me a "paranoid skizotypical person".

Little under a year ago i had moved to a new town to create a new life and put it all behind me, but 3 months into living alone i had driven myself mad enough to attempt to strangle myself in a bass string! Which was working just fine until the exhaling started to choke me and my phone started ringing... it was my mom.

I want to tell myself that i'm a better person today, but i'm not, i'm exactly the same insecure and weak kid that ruined peoples lives in school and threw the word "gay" out at everything i didn't like. Luckily i'm no longer the biggest or the strongest, i'm not the smartest or the most gifted at anything, i'm completely average with a fair set of disadvantages and i feel like i'm exactly were i'm supposed to be, feeling exactly what i'm supposed to feel.

My family, friends and lover are extremely supportive (believe it or not i am lovable) and I've been sent to a fine school of music and arts to finally find rest with my personality. I doubt i will ever be content with what I've done, but i cant spend my life thinking of regret and i wont dedicate my life to make it up to the people I've hurt, i would only end up hurting them more.

So in the end, i feel like... Nothing... I want everything to go away and be forgotten, i only feel one need and it's to be respected (could tell you exactly were my neediness comes from but thats a long boring personal story from a jerks past) and i'm going to be respected, but this time not out of fear but from the music i write, hopefully one day everyone that has been involved in my life will find peace.

P.S. If you feel like you want to give me a little smack, please do it in a private message.
P.P.S. i only have English as a second language so pardon all the spelling mistakes and grammatical inconsistencies.

[suburbanmyth]

*hugs you all*

*loves you all*