JOKES!!

[jasonatwork]

everyone loves a good joke!





A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
"Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
"It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts."

[Arkham]

did you hear the local newscast?
two peanuts were walking through the forest and one was aSALTED.



*this works better when telling it in person.

[urytyi]

*no it doesn't.

[skott]

Q: what do you call a hebrew sasquatch?

A: Jewbacca

[meghan]

what's brown and sticky?














a STICK!

[OSTERGARD]

under the bridge at the show at the grid on the 22nd was bad racist/sexist joke central. what a great night.

[meghan]

yeah, it really was. but why were there no jokes about pirates?

[meghan]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheels tied to the front of his pants, and the bartender says "hey, you've got a steering wheel on the fly of your pants" and the pirate says "arrrr 'tis driving me nuts"

[Stuci Firme]

how many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
































WANNA RIDE BIKES?

[neilsucks]

meghan: i am extremly pissed that you used my only two good jokes that i own.

[forsythe p. jones]

HAHA STU YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE AND LOVE THAT JOKE

[meghannn]

neilsucks said:

meghan: i am extremly pissed that you used my only two good jokes that i own.

[meghannn]

neilsucks said:

meghan: i am extremly pissed that you used my only two good jokes that i own.

no man, sorry, i admit i may have stole that first one from you, but the other one i heard in math class.

[MetalRed]

>Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly.
>You can't take your time, answer all of them, immediately.
>
>
>First Question:
> You are participating in a race.
> You overtake the second person.
> What position are you in?
>
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>

>
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>Answer:
>
>If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
>If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
>
>
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>Try not to screw up in the next question.
>
>Second Question:
> If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
>
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>
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>
>Answer:
>If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong.
>Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person? YOU are the last person.
>
>You're not very good at this are you?
>
>
>
>
>Third Question:
> Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.
> Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
>
>Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.
>Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.. What is the
>total?
>
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>
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>
>Answer:
>
> Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it?
>Check with your calculator!
>
>Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question
>right?
>
>
>
>Fourth Question:
>
> Mary's father has five daughters:
> 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
> What is the name of the fifth daughter?
> (a, e, i, o, u)?
>
>
>
<
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>





>
>Answer:
>Nunu? NO! Of course, not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again
>





How did you do?

[forsythe p. jones]

okay.

there is a monster, and he's going on a trip around the universe. he calls the travel agent to stay on a hotel at the moon, but the travel agent says "no, you can't stay at that hotel because the MOON IS FULL"