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Post by David Werking on Jul 7, 2003 4:35:10 GMT -5
HYPOTHETICALLY: I live a bohemian lifestyle with 2 other artists who I share studio space with. It is a two year lease. one of the artists boyfriend I cannot stand. Hes this guy she met in Europe where they smoked a lot of non-cigarettes. We forked over their first and second rent payment because we figured we would get paid back which never happened. He works temp jobs destrying computers (he even destroyed ours with a virus from one of his disks which he never apologized for). She has a part time job only. Yet he goes out with her and they buy all kinds of stuff. (rather than pay us back). They even bought a $23,000 truck (USED. a six year lease. 2000. they bought it the first place they went.) Meanwhile me and my wife have to scrimp and save because I can't get work. I have no money to make art. I have had to sell all my records to pay for our car to get fixed. And everyday we see them and she complains but she never does anything about it. And Im not bragging I realize its very hard everywhere.
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Post by David Werking on Jul 7, 2003 4:40:53 GMT -5
I'm not a clean freak but they leave this house a mess and I have to clean it because I cant live like that. I dont want to leave this house in a condition worse than it was when we first got it. And then look theres flies all over the place. Its so disgusting. Dear Jamie Stewart, If you ever get tired of people liking you you can send them to me and have them like me instead.
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Post by David Werking on Jul 7, 2003 4:49:41 GMT -5
so Im thinking about xiu xiu and how their instruments got stolen and that guy who laughed and said he'd do the same... im thinking about Michael Moores Roger & Me when that guy stole the cash register and he said it was good because at least somebody came out of there with something. I wonder about Jamie Stewart and I wonder what he ever got from it before fame, whether or not the lyrics really meant anything to him or not. Cos I feel close to those characters and I wish it wasnt all bullshit. I hope he never bullshits the kids he teaches. I used to be a teacher. It was weird watching them try to emulate me. I didn't think it was a good thing because I can't even get work... I go to interviews and they want to see the money in me. And theres no money in me. Just dreams. Dreams that other people have to pay the check for.
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Post by Flightproof on Jul 7, 2003 13:24:45 GMT -5
i dont really dig movies or chewing gum, but i think i love you for this thread. (although movies wise my favourite is probably amelie)
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Post by iconoclastreed on Jul 7, 2003 17:26:53 GMT -5
thats some beautiful poetic stuff you wrote there. if its any consulation, my life really blows too at this moment. people can easily try to change their lives, but most are too lazy or afraid. thats all, nothing profound here.
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Post by DavidWerking on Jul 7, 2003 19:09:28 GMT -5
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Post by DavidWerking on Jul 7, 2003 22:15:24 GMT -5
I think a good reality TV show would be one where all the people are doing time in an insane asylum. Another good idea for a reality TV show would be one where they get a really stupid guy and put him in a house with 12 lovely trans-sexual cross dressers and make him choose one to fall in love with. The trans sexual cross dresser gets a million dollars or something. Oh and of course no one would tell him those women were really guys of course.
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Post by DavidWerking on Jul 7, 2003 22:22:33 GMT -5
Thanks flightproof and icon! Yah I got all kinds of stuff to post... like this thing right here (the assignment was to write a short story about a couple body parts, which I got mad at when my original concept was rejected, and decided to write the following) Page 1 THE OFFICE OF SPECULATIONS
Professor Shoombashoombashoomba had a way of working about him, a way that always smelled like grilled cheese as he squirted into his sentient lavatory. Bending in half arose the odeur of unfair generalizations from the rim, which obfuscated, provoked, and criticized prototypical nasty midterms that Professor Shoombashoombashoomba had placed beside him to be made into paper airplanes and paper airports. Now Professor Shoombashoombashoomba rose and shook the last few drops of Folgers Crystals from his Pull-Ups. Some of those peeps fell on an open first chapter Professor Shoombashoombashoomba had been critique-ing:
“I don’t really agree with this viewpoint! And ten pages—that is to be too long for ME to read, I have better things to do and yes, other papers to grade. How does it fit the assignment? I told in the syllabus with my typed words that it had to be a short fiction piece. This is about AHHHHHHHHHHH-----Kolbey Brymat? No it’s about the insides of himself. I wanted it to be about penises, noses, butts, and mouths—not introspective. This is not so truthful! I think this Vavid
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Post by DavidWerking on Jul 7, 2003 22:23:46 GMT -5
Page 2 Verking needs to go to the Retard---err---Writing Center! Yet I will give it a B plus.”
I have just told you what Professor Shoombashoombashoomba thought, because that is what he did. Meanwhile the crap on the paper was in the process of mutation with the crap from Professor Shoombashoombashoomba’s ass and mouth. It formed Power Rangers Time Force? No it did not. It formed Hands, Feet, Eyes, and Ears, and still sort of papery and wet, they were to be as well! The Hands, Feet, Eyes, and Ears began dancing before Professor Shoombashoombashoomba. They did the Goooshy Eye bawl Dance and the Electric Slide. Then they walked like an Ewok until they couldn’t stop spinning in circles. It made Professor Shoombashoombashoomba very sympathetically sad to see the Hands, Feet, Eyes, and Ears dancing, very sympathetically sad and very frightened. What Would Juvenile Delinquency? Professor Shoombashoombashoomba ran out and called Full Frontal Security—the only ones you can trust.
Page 3 Full Frontal Security wasn’t there so the Nude Cops were called in to position themselves against the awful, awful, dancing hands, feet, eyes, and ears. They blew those fucknuggets up and then all went back to home depot in the same car.
Today, Professor Shoombashoombashoomba will never again feel the sadness and homicidal fear of those dancing hands, feet, eyes, and ears, but their memory will always linger and that’s all that’s really important. But is it important---to you???
“Watch out the plorg doesn’t land on your papers!” Professor Shoombashoombashoomba lies to his classroom. Watch out indeed because when plorg lands on A papers or papers unfairly not labeled with an A, there mutates a SUPER META race of hands, feet, ears and eyes, and oh yes they do indeed morph into the ULTRA OOBAFOO GETINTHECAR BLASTER LASER ZORD! And it will go and kick Professor Shoombashoombashoomba’s head in should you accidentfully make it happen.
THE END
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Post by DavidWerking on Jul 7, 2003 22:27:20 GMT -5
The nude cops are actually based on reality. They have nude cops on nude beaches whose only uniform is their hats. I thought it would be a good cops episode.
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Post by DavidWerking on Jul 7, 2003 22:31:56 GMT -5
The entire short fiction piece was set in a 72 inch font with the widest possible margins. In fact I even went so far as to space out the space between letters in individua; words. It was also triple spaced--just in case, you know.
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Post by David Werking on Jul 8, 2003 1:20:45 GMT -5
someday Jamie will run out of stories to tell or to make up.
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Post by David Werking on Jul 8, 2003 1:58:00 GMT -5
Oh what happened today? Well I did the job search as usual...there was a pizza place near here that was hiring. I don't get the newspaper. For starters all the job openings are way the hell out in fucking eqypt/Victorville and then half the time you call the number and you find out you got the wrong information. I used to work at a pizza place...that was in Indiana. My superior was like in the K.K.K. and it was freaky. We lived right near Elwood which is where the grand wizard lives. While I was there one of the employees said I would be working there for the rest of my life--that I couldn't get away from it. So I don't want to call the pizza place, and I didn't.
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Post by David Werking on Jul 8, 2003 2:08:59 GMT -5
and then what? I passed the CBEST so I can sub now. Read the racing slip while the kids talk quietly-ha ha hah. Jus' Kiddin I couldn't do that. I love the kids soooo much even when they paint their clothes. It's the parents I have a hard time dealing with. All the people that beat their kids. And you know it and theres not that much you can do to make it better for them. Subs dont have to deal with that. I can't wait to do some art projects if I get work as a sub. "Let's put the chair in the fan" they'll say and I'll be OKAY!!! The splendid ezine cartooning job fell through...I don't think the adventures of Motherfucker and Son of A Bitch is the right demographic for them anyway. Both Steindthal and Epperson agree that rape can be funny. Motherfucker and Son of a bitch listened to music but it wasn't their whole lives. For those of you out of the loop Motherfucker is a cartoon cat, so named because I was wishing someone would steal him. Motherfucker got neutered by a very loving family much too late and suffers sexual delusions.
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Post by David Werking on Jul 8, 2003 2:22:33 GMT -5
Son of a bitch is a kid in a UCLA t shirt. I was going to post a comic but I can't figure out exactly how to do that. Here I'll give you a transcript...you'll get the idea" (this one's called: "In The Armenian Now") SOB: We must destroy all nuclear weapons. MF: They keep us from raping foreign prostitutes! SOB: Wait: you can have ummm....TAILHOOK here! MF: No you can't! If you're in the Army they just discharge you they dont put you in jail... SOB: I fear we will not have a semi-wussy war this century. MF: (thinking) If you're in like jail and a nuke goes off you can hump the dead bodies but they can't hump you... MF: ...unless they're ghosts. SOB: Do you think rape is okey in heaven? I want to rape God. MF: If you raped God there'd be nothing left to rape tho'. That'd be dull. MF: Rape you see, is best at home, with our mothers. (God bless America flag waves in background) It is truly a seperate piece! SOB: (crying...looking at MF) I love you Mom! MF: (crying...looking at SOB) I love you Mom!
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